well majoritly probalby hated that i didnt have any more entries on here lately(but i have yet to have very many people look at my entry). so you guys are probably wondering on the outcome of my situation well it is still pending and everyday i feel like things are going to end up very badly.
i got into with angelo and well things are not good between us, he finally got on my last nerve and well i told him to go fuck off(pardon my french)and when things between people are sour in a business conflicts start on who thinks things will be better one way than another, and the bad thing about it is my girl had to see me and him get into and he made me look like i was nothing to this world. but to me he is no better than the ground i walk on. well today im going to buy a new gun kinda of, im just buying another glock 21 because the guys feel that i need more firepower to keep me safe and they think i have a not so great aim but i know i do i just think there being hesitant about me (when i was in the army during m-16 week when we where on range i shot 39 out 40 on my target shooting) but im a second gun so that way i know i have a better chance of keeping my self safe if i shoot two guns at a time.
speaking of the miltary i have been thinking of joining back up but only in the reserves this time, now my girlfreind thinks that isnt a good thing because when she found out she hit me………. HARD, but she told me that i hadnt said to her a thing about it but i swear i did but anywho, i miss it so much i miss the guys that i went through basic with i miss basic training i miss it all(alot of people think im crazy but come on alot of people know that i am) but hey its only part time so people dont sweat it.
I was thinking to myself i havent told alot of you or the ones that i love what has been bothering me the most i seriously think that when i tell you, you will think different, well see the thing is that when i stayed out in cali i kept to myself because i missed so much and i thought about it and i still do but not as much but i really think that the only freinds i have in this world will end up going away and the same with my loved ones because they always do and for some reason i make them run and i dont know why, i just have a vibe that kicks in after a while and people just dont like me anymore, and im afraid that its going to happen again and my heart will not be able to stand it, and most people think on stuff about that, that people will not miss them but i know i will be missed and loved but between that time i feel like nobody will pay attention to me, my only thing that i ask for from the people i know and i care about now just show me that you actually care.
i only feel like i really matter to 3 people and thats my girl and my best freind big d and my brother but if i my brother finds out it will then only be two, but i know that my girlfriend and d will always be there for me and if anything ever happens i know that they will be ones to help me through it, i just wish i knew how to show them my gratitude back but i have nothing excep to say thank you and i know they will say thats good enough but to me its not